11 Mar How To Scam A Nigerian
After watching Tinder Swindler and Inventing Anna, Nigerians were all over the place saying it could never be them. Nigerians would hardly fall for romance scams especially one that would require them parting with their money – except FESTAC and Port Harcourt women. Our #BreakTheBias never reach that level abeg but I digress.
So how can you successfully scam a Nigerian? Having given it some thought, I came up with these few points of mine.
- Have a mantra. I don’t know what it is with Nigerians and mantras but have one you drop after every speech or social media post. It could read, nah grace carry me come, no be hustle!
- Have a personal spiritual leader (Pastor, Imam, or Ifa priest). Make sure you have a picture of both of you where he is either praying for you or checking your business documents. Nigerians are religious and will believe you faster when you have a picture of a Pastor or an Imam
- Dress the part. This one is universal and not peculiar to Nigerians. Invictus Obi, Anna Sorokin, Elizabeth Holmes? Your wardrobe must include a black turtleneck, well-starched agabada, and a designer wristwatch- fake or real
- Let your post reflect luxury. Disclaimer here, Nigerians have a funny idea of the word luxury. That said, let your post reflect your supposed wealth- Take pictures in the abroad, in a G-wagon, or in a Lekki ‘mansion’. Remember, it could be borrowed or stolen like that Enugu babe.
- Post daily motivational quotes. Number 5 is closely linked with 4. Under each luxury post, drop some motivation. Tell us how you had no shoes and trekked from Nibo to Nkissi to fetch water. After all, if you can make it, so can your minions
- Pay an influencer! Guys, you should know this point nau. Have you seen a successful scam in Nigeria without at least 3 influencers? You must spend money to make money.
- Do give away! To scam a Nigerian, you need to have cult followership. How else will people believe you? One common way to achieve this is to do giveaways. But you must shine your eyes. Have a mix of two authentic ones and one audio one. That way, the genuine ones will fight for you when people call you out.
- Have a photographer follow you around. You don’t want to spoil your parole with low-quality pictures. Remember, it’s all about branding. For women, have your makeup artist on speed dial
- Be a general merchandise guy! In all you do, don’t forget this one. What’s common with all the con artists in Nigeria? Versatility! Oshey Dangote the serial entrepreneur. You must be into real estate… that one is a must. Then throw in oil &gas, energy, etc. Make sure your portfolio has more than five businesses. How else do you want to prove to us that you are a business mogul?
- Give a TED talk or start a foundation. I agree, this is not for the average con artist. This needs a bit of finesse but hey, who says you can’t. Remember say nah grace carry you come.
- Promise an impossible Return on Investment. Is that not the essence of point 1 to 10. Tell them your ginger or cucumber farm can provide 170% ROI, share testimonials of people who have already cashed. Voila!
Get a second passport. An average con artist knows all about plan B. Their usual plan B is to have a police escort. Remember you are not average. So, get a second passport where you cannot be extradited. Disguise yourself, go through Cotonou, and off you are!
When you have done all these, go ahead and demand anything from Nigerians. You’ve got them by the balls and may the odds be in the favour of EFCC.