20 Aug 30+ And Single? 10 Common Things You Have DEFINITELY Experienced
The responses I got from Sunday’s post were hilarious and relatable. I knew I had to do part two.
This time, we are focusing on the experiences of people who are 30+ and are yet to be married. I spoke with a few of my friends, and we came up with this list.
30+ and single? Grab a glass of wine let’s dive in.
1. People always crave rice and drinks around you.
They ask you when we go chop rice? If you’re like me, you reply with a straight face; Uncle, if you want to eat rice, go to Chicken republic.
2. Your mother occasionally wakes you up by 4 am for a heart-to-heart talk.
She starts by telling you not to vex before going into her tirade. She concludes 2 hours later saying how it’s coming from a place of love. So, you smile and face the day.
3. You think twice before posting pictures taken with the opposite gender.
Once you post someone’s picture, people will already match you with the person and reply with all kinds of smileys. “The brother we saw in that your get together picture is he married? He looks like a gentleman oh. This babe set die; she would make a great bride.
4. People tell you you’re single because of an ancestral curse.
I feel like I can write a full article on this one.
Unmarried people, ladies are made to believe they are single because of one ancient altar. This is not to deny the fact that there are forces that cause problems in people’s lives but mehn, nah for single people body the curse dey always manifest.
5. Posting your groomsmen/ asoebi/ bridal train pictures no longer excites you.
Once you post an asoebi picture, unsolicited replies will start flying in. ” Your own is next in Jesus’ name”, “God will do it for you”, ” You are next in line for a miracle”, “What God cannot do…” or “Aren’t you too old for this?”.
6. Family functions now trigger an anxiety attack
During family functions, you will do well to avoid running into aunties who ask you when you’re bringing a man or wife home. Or into a younger cousin who already has 4 kids it doesn’t matter that none is in school. To the family, the pecking order for cousins is not age but how long you’ve been married. After all, man nah man. Then after the event, when everyone returns home, you’re left with the bulk of the chores. So, what’s the point you wonder? Just skip future events except it’s your wedding.
7. There is this worry about the quality of your eggs (and sperm too)
You’re constantly reminded the biological clock is ticking. You begin to consider freezing your eggs but when you hear of the process and cost, you back out.
8. Frequent unsolicited advice from people who feel they have a say in your life
If you go on vacation and post your pictures expect someone to remind you of your single status. Aunty who has never left Ijebu-Ode will say “Why not marry first and then travel with your husband?”
9. You are not expected to go for higher degrees or advance in your career.
Friends and aunties will say to you, “men will be afraid to approach you” or “your needs will be unto your career and not your husband”. As for a PhD? Totally off-limits after all, everything no be not education because your degree will not warm your bed at night.
10. People expect you to be speckless and not have an opinion.
Your friends and family are always trying to hook you up with a guy/girl. You on the other hand is afraid to say you don’t like the person or something is just off. They will say, nah why you never marry. You too dey select husband/wife. Heaven forbid that you get angry or express displeasure.
Posting pictures of you with your nephews and nieces are frowned upon. You don’t want to scare people into thinking you’re a parent.
Life is hard already for people not to mind thier business. Next time, when you see a single person, don’t ask them when they are getting married. Don’t! especially when you’re not in their inner circle.
Making hurtful jokes should be avoided too. You have no idea what kind of mental pressure someone experiences. Resist the urge to add yours.
Did I forget anyone? let’s add to it in the comment section.
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Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
BerryPosted at 15:19h, 20 August
You also reduce how you associate with your married friends, because they keep reminding you of how they can’t wait to plan, and attend your wedding. Sometimes they even try to matchmake you with someone without your permission…
adminPosted at 15:29h, 20 August
I’m guilty of matchmaking people o but always with permission of both parties
BerryPosted at 15:41h, 20 August
Another one is, you should sample yourself, stop staying at home. Go out and meet pp, attend occasions, post fine pictures on social media
BenPosted at 17:32h, 20 August
Balance is needed in this conversation. Guys that get “Ojo-free” buy 1 & get all others free, do not believe in settling down. “Why buy the cow when the milk is free” is their ideology. This type of 30+ (if not 40+……) definitely need such reminders. Trust me
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 04:11h, 21 August
Oh yes Ben
I get where you’re coming from but it’s still their decision.
If they decide not to marry, there’s nothing you can do to change
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 23:04h, 20 August
GPosted at 15:44h, 20 August
well said C.
Chinedu OgbughaluPosted at 16:05h, 20 August
She wears expensive cloths or buys a car or an apartment, they say ” your lifestyle will chase men away”….. Obviously only men with insecurity problem..
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 03:56h, 21 August
Thank you Chinedu.
How could I have skipped this one?
A single lady is not allowed to drive a nice car because she will scare men away.
My sister-in-law had the perfect response. She would always ask if those who trek had all married.
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 03:52h, 21 August
Thank you G
LilianPosted at 16:01h, 20 August
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 03:53h, 21 August
Thank you Lilian
ReverendPosted at 16:04h, 20 August
Succinct. I love how you bring clarity to these issues. People should learn how to mind their business.
ChinedumPosted at 22:50h, 20 August
That number 5 is worrisome especially in supposed religious circles where folks are supposed to rejoice with those rejoicing, whether they have gotten married or not. Being actively happy for someone needs be commended. Nice piece I must say, Weldone
adminPosted at 04:53h, 21 August
That’s true Chinedum
Society tends to think marriage is synonymous with rejoicing. Therefore, no marriage equals a lack of joy
Thanks for stopping by
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 03:54h, 21 August
ChibbyPosted at 16:41h, 20 August
They tell you how many Saturdays remaining in a year
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 03:58h, 21 August
Those Saturday countdowns used to trigger anxiety in me.
You will just be minding your business and someone will just remind you that we have only 15 more Saturdays before December 31st
Chidike SamuelsonPosted at 17:26h, 20 August
adminPosted at 04:54h, 21 August
OsoroPosted at 18:34h, 20 August
You can’t leave the house dressed simple or without makeup.. they will ask how on earth do you want to get husband looking like this.. this life … lol
ChineloPosted at 19:13h, 20 August
You still want to further your studies ? Remember you have younger ones, don’t let them marry before you.
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 04:10h, 21 August
Can you imagine.
We’ve made it taboo for a younger sibling to marry before the elder.
MsheliaPosted at 20:48h, 20 August
Nice write up.
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 04:27h, 21 August
dnddyonPosted at 20:57h, 20 August
what is my own business really?
if they can give man, I’ll understand, but I don’t even “cared”
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 04:28h, 21 August
I love that
E for energy
kobocityPosted at 21:36h, 20 August
Let me add: ‘when are you bringing him home’.
It’s always refreshing reading your story.
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 04:30h, 21 August
Thank you Kobo City
Nah who first find man/woman go bring am home.
RuthPosted at 00:34h, 21 August
This is soooo true & real! Looolz!
Oliver KingPosted at 00:34h, 21 August
I have had someone take a lady to my Mom for her to teach the lady how to be a good wife to me. Lol… Didn’t know my singleness was causing folks sleepless nights.
YinkaPosted at 01:37h, 21 August
Every January 1st when you call to greet some aunties. They will always say Is it this year we are coming to eat rice?
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 04:03h, 21 August
Aunties are a special breed of people
NommyPosted at 04:07h, 21 August
When you’re 30+ and still single, especially as a lady, you’re being told by family members(the female folks in particular), that the reason you’re still “unmarried” is because of your late night waka(s).
To them, a casual and relaxing night stroll or hang-out, is an act of irresponsibility culpable of making one single for life.
Like, who fed them with such notion???!!!!!!
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 06:08h, 21 August
Different strokes for different folks.
I think some of them come from a supposed place of love.
MunchyPosted at 07:36h, 21 August
Nice one again babe,part 2 on point.
The society has made marriage so serious and extremely important that people now just jump in to avoid the pressure and still jump out due to not being able to know the person a bit or for lack of understanding and compromise or for seeing what they didn’t expect or bargain for.
The one I hate is you not being able to mention that your friends are getting married,next question is “who will be your bridesmaids if they all get married?” Or u get statements like “hmmmm,ur mates are getting married, time is going o” OR ” a woman is like a flower, beautiful now and dry later,so nne stop being choosy just pick sumone u like even if it’s just one thing u like about him,love will grow in the marriage” lol.
THIS LIFE NAWA
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 17:22h, 17 November
This life Nah real way
If all my friends get married, I can walk down the isle alone or is there a law prohibiting my married friends from being in my train
J.EjelePosted at 04:34h, 21 August
Nice write up!!!!
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 06:10h, 21 August
Tchidi JollymanPosted at 06:00h, 21 August
Nice one and so true.
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 06:09h, 21 August
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 06:09h, 21 August
ladymyrasamuelsonPosted at 06:34h, 21 August
Wahala be like plenty bicycle for late marriage talk especially for the ladies. E go be like say you should not even step out of your bed until you get married.
The society has made “marriage” amongst other things an end instead of a means to an end. Abeg let’s learn to face our front especially when that unmarried person is not in your inner circle. Hold your “peace and love” unless you were invited to the table.
Well said Lady Chizzy!
Katchy NwaebiemPosted at 09:06h, 21 August
Sad reality. You forgot to mention how a course you studied is used as a weapon of warfare against you to explain your single status. Talmabout you are single because you are a lawyer. You always have an opinion.
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 17:23h, 17 November
This one is sad.
Apexy tv.Posted at 19:30h, 21 August
Your matter will become serious prayer request. Even your aunts will be coming out to alters for prayers on your behalf. In my church you see mothers with pictures as a point of contact! As has been said some come from “a place of love”. But the unecessary pressure is too much.
Oya, if you now attempt, like you just try to say something like; must everybody get married? What if I’m not interested in marriage? Hey! You have given your people prayer and fasting assignment on your head be that o!
JovitaPosted at 18:23h, 22 August
I can relate with this post…haha
Joanne APosted at 15:35h, 22 October
Oh my gosh, you just called out all Nigerians aunties and parents.
I can how annoying it gets.
Nice post, very true.
adminPosted at 17:50h, 11 November
It’s quite annoying as you say.
The key is to find a way to ensure the pressure doesn’t get to you
Joanne APosted at 22:03h, 11 November
FortunePosted at 13:42h, 17 March
An unmarried woman can’t live outside her parents house. People will say she’s sleeping around.
There’s people calling you a small girl too.
There’s the you’re too selective, woman wey dey your age no dey select
There’s the you are too desperate that’s why,
If you like be going for all your friends own, you will soon start going for your juniors own
There’s the married friend sometimes younger than you or married much younger that goes- there’s nothing in marriage. Is it sex you will get tired.
Chai this life ehn.
Chizzy NwokoyePosted at 17:44h, 17 March
Spot on Fortune.
It’s gets frustrating being single in Nigeria
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